They are everywhere. We are surrounded by hordes of evil, evil gadgets. Cruel and taunting monsters that worm their way into our lives oozing promises of service, whispering dreams of pleasure. Once inside the perimeter, their true nature emerges: They are emissaries from Hell, dedicated to the misery of the human race.
Therefore, be it known that I am declaring today, June 28, the first annual day of retribution for all that binks, buzzes and jams. Today is Judgement Day. The Revenge of the Meat Machines. Grab your hammers, shoulder your baseball bats and have at it.
And yes, it's personal:
One of these wretched things is beeping. Every 20 minutes. For days on end. There is no reason for it to be beeping, and no apparent setting to turn it off. When I figure out which one it is, it is toast. TOAST, do you hear?
*Hazy Holidays copyright 2007, property of Maraca.