To Moms

For Mom and Gran, who made childhood a land of love and magic. I miss you both so very much.

Happy Halloween

HOPE YOUR HOLIDAY IS SPOOK-TACULAR!

Suffering Fools Gladly

It's an oldie, but a goodie, and it's my all-time favorite BBC April Fool prank.

But wait, there's more: Check out the Top 10 April Fool Hoaxes of All Time.

Hope your day is full of fun!

The Great Pumpkin Panic

Have you heard the news? If you haven't already hooked up with a source for Libby's canned pumpkin, you may be out of luck for that holiday pie.

The company hasn't been able to get its equipment into the fields to harvest pumpkins because of heavy rains and soggy ground. What's out there is rotting on the vine. So what they've already packed this year is all there will be until the 2010 crop. That familiar tan can is already getting scarce.

Now, at our house there are only three absolute must-haves for Thanksgiving: turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. And the only acceptable pumpkin for said pie is Libby's. So when I read Friday night about impending shortages, I knew I had to act fast.

I hit Walmart Saturday morning before dawn and made straight for the precious pumpkin. I scooped up four single cans: two for Thanksgiving, one for Christmas, and one for next fall, just in case. There was plenty left for everybody else, and I began to wonder if this wasn't a clever ploy by Libby's marketing department. I set off to round up the rest of the stuff for the big feast, feeling relieved but silly.

By the time I got back to the baking isle, though, there was only one big can of pumpkin left. I tossed a box of Rice Chex over my stash and made for the checkout.

A better woman probably would have put a can or two back on the shelf. On the other hand, a more cynical woman would have bought it all and sold it on eBay.

Land of the Free

Happy Independence Day! What better time is there to revisit the underpinnings of our freedom: The Declaration of Independence, the US Constitution, and its first ten amendments, A.K.A The Bill of Rights.

It behooves us all to read these over once in a while. After all, they're what all the flag waving is about.

The Bill of Rights: A Transcription

The Preamble to The Bill of Rights

Congress of the United States
begun and held at the City of New-York, on
Wednesday the fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine.

THE Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.

RESOLVED by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution of the United States, all, or any of which Articles, when ratified by three fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of the said Constitution; viz.

ARTICLES in addition to, and Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by Congress, and ratified by the Legislatures of the several States, pursuant to the fifth Article of the original Constitution.

Note: The following text is a transcription of the first ten amendments to the Constitution in their original form. These amendments were ratified December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the "Bill of Rights."
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Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
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Amendment II

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
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Amendment III

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
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Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
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Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
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Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.
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Amendment VII

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
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Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
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Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
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Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Amendments 11-27
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Note: The capitalization and punctuation in this version is from the enrolled original of the Joint Resolution of Congress proposing the Bill of Rights, which is on permanent display in the Rotunda of the National Archives Building, Washington, D.C.

Page URL: http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/bill_of_rights_transcript.html
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U.S. National Archives & Records Administration
8601 Adelphi Road, College Park, MD, 20740-6001, • 1-86-NARA-NARA • 1-866-272-6272

Links to the Rest
* The Declaration of Independence
* The Constitution of the United States

Happy Birthday to me

Today is my birthday. Yippee.

I had a plan for this post, inspired by a writing prompt I found in a magazine article: Write a set of instructions for the child you once were. It got soppy pretty fast, so I tossed the whole thing overboard. Besides, anyone who ever watched Star Trek knows that only an idiot messes with the time line. So kid, I'll leave you with just two words: Berkshire Hathaway. 'Nuf said.

Into the woods

Into the woods,
It's time to go,
I hate to leave,
I have to, though.
Into the woods-
It's time, and so
I must begin my journey...








Into the woods,
Without delay,
But careful not
To lose the way.
Into the woods,
Who knows what may
Be lurking on the journey?

Into the woods
To get the thing
That makes it worth
The journeying
into the woods. - Stephen Sondheim

In case anyone is wondering, I am still here, for the moment at least. We're going on vacation, and it's been more than a little bit crazy getting it all together.

We're heading up to the Adirondacks in New York, to a cabin on Indian Lake. There is no phone, no TV, and no Internet up there, so this blog will be on hiatus for a couple of weeks.

This is the first real vacation we've had in six years, and all of us are stoked. We've never used a cabin before, but Hubby and I are just beyond the whole tent-on-the ground thing. I can't wait to trade this treadmill life, at least for a while, for aimless days of hiking and swimming, kayaking and hammock swinging. We'll be checking out Fort Ticonderoga and the Adirondack Museum, too, which should be fun.

I greatly underestimated, however, the amount of money, manpower, and materielle it would take to get from here to there. Let me tell you, the simple life ain't easy - and it ain't cheap, either. In the course of outfitting ourselves, the van, the boat and the cabin we have become a one-family economic stimulus package.

The cat is going to the vet today to be boarded. He knows something's up, and I haven't even gotten the carrier out yet. He is making himself scarce and avoiding eye contact when he slinks by us. He is smarter than he looks.

We'll be on the lake for the full moon and for the summer solstice, which somehow seems very special. It will mean fewer stars to see, and that's a shame. But I can already imagine the moonlight on the water, moonshadows in the woods, and the sense of being poised at the turning of the season.

So. See you in couple of weeks, guys. Keep a light on for me, OK?

May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day

In honor of the occasion, I have written you a poem:

Ode to a Lost Sock

Does anyone know
where the single socks go
when a pair of them go in the dryer?
Do they slip out to play
and wander away,
forgetting that they are attire?

Do they tire of their mate
and their tiresome fate,
every day in the dark of a shoe?
Do they follow the song
of a silky black thong
and cling to that siren like glue?

Are they captured by pirates,
or stolen by gnomes
who are jealous of our cozy toes?
Are they pilfered by mice
to make their nest nice?
Are there gangs of barefoot Eskimos?

There are those who say,
in a sinister way,
that a dryer's a portal in space;
that socks who fall through
(and they swear this is true)
warm the feet of an alien race.

Ah, does anyone
anyone anyone know,
someone who isn't a liar?
Does anyone know
where the single socks go
when a pair of them go in the dryer?

Copyright May 2008

Merry May Day

The fair maid who, the first of May
Goes to the fields at break of day
And washes in dew from the hawthorn tree
Will ever after handsome be.
-- Mother Goose

It is May Day, Beltane, when the world is suspended between the vernal equinox and the summer solstice. On this day, our ancestors celebrated the triumph of the light over the darkness and gloried in the fertility of the land.

Bonfires and Maypoles may be hard to come by these days, but there's plenty of ancient magic in the air. They say that washing in the dew at dawn today brings beauty, jumping over a flame makes a wish come true, and that faeries can be seen at twilight.

It's a bit late for me to worry about my looks, but I do have a wish or two to attend to. And you can bet I'll be keeping an eye out for faeries.

Earth day

It doesn't seem to be a big year for Earth Day. Last year, it seemed all the TV stations, magazines and papers were running something or other on how to go green, save the planet, conserve. This year, nada. Maybe Mother Nature couldn't compete with the Mormon polygamist sex scandal. That is a tough act to follow, news-wise.

Still, it is encouraging that environmentalism is suddenly mainstream. Green this, green that, it's everywhere. I saw a jaw-dropping ad the other day with Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton sitting together on a sofa on the beach and calling for better stewardship of the planet. As if that weren't shocker enough, Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich took a turn on the couch, too. Republicans in cahoots with Al Gore. Who'd a thunk it?

The earth, of course, is ultimately doomed. Water is scarce, toxins are a permanent part of the biosphere; global warming and nuclear terrorism are grave threats. Global industrialization, human greed and overpopulation will inevitably wipe out and pave over thousand more species. I do not think our great grandchildren will ever see a wild gorilla or a tiger roaming free. We ourselves are not likely to be here forever.

Which leaves us with only today, this day, right now to treasure, protect and preserve everything we can.

Happy Valentines Day

Here's a virtual cookie for you, and a wish for a sweet, sweet day.

Inspiration courtesy of Karen's Monday Photo Shoot. Stop by there, OK?

*I'll be gone for a while and probably won't be around here much - family emergency in progress. Hope to be back soon.

News flash from Gobbler's Knob

Say it ain't so, Phil! Say it ain't so! The word from Punxsatawney Phil, official prognosticator of Groundhog Day, is that winter 2008 has six more weeks of bleak, grey torture left in it.

Man. One giant rat sees his shadow, and everybody suffers. Where is the justice.

Let there be ... oh, say, brownies

Just a quickie here, as I'm busy busy busy. Today, January 9, is Play God Day, and once I'm done with creating stuff I have a load of smiting to do. So praise me. NOW. Or else.

Twelfth Night

Tonight is the twelfth and last night of Christmas, one of the most important of the Winter Solstice. It is the eve of Epiphany, which celebrates the arrival in Bethlehem of the three wise men, following the star of a greater king.

In Bavaria and Austria from New Years through January 6, Star Singers dress as the magi and go caroling door to door, bearing before them the staff of that mysterious star. On this evening, householders in Germany and Poland chalk C+M+B and the date over their doorways and ask for the protection of Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar.

I love the three kings legend. It fires the imagination for me like no other part of Christmas. I hear in it the oneness of man and the universe, the quest of the seeker, and the leap of faith. May this night bring you amazing joy.

January 4: Nifty bits o' tid

Hey, hey, hey, it's Trivia Day! Finally, a chance to show off the steaming piles of useless information we stuff into our bulging brains. *To wit:

"A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee." Sounds reasonable to me.

Don't let their cuteness fool you. "More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes."

"In most American states, a wedding ring is exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. This means that a wedding ring cannot be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes." Here's an excellent argument if you're lobbying for a seriously ginormous rock.

"The New York phone book had 22 Hitlers listed before World War II ... and none after." Go figure.

And a factoid that has stuck with me since seventh grade, for reasons unknown: Arachnids have book lungs.

*Trivia Source: Corsinet.com

Happy New Year

New snow began falling last evening just before midnight, and it's been coming down ever since. How perfect is that? And to top it off, there were fireworks lighting the sky and reflecting off the flakes as they fell. It's an amazing sight, fireworks in the snow. I had never seen that before. There's a new development a few blocks away that has been colonized by card-carrying pyromaniacs, bless their fizzy little hearts, and they put on quite a show. (Note to self: Must meet these people.)

In keeping with my one resolution, to live now, I've been working on a list of things I've been meaning to do, thought about doing in passing, and/or would love to be able to say that I had already done. It's a brainstorming list, just a beginning. There were going to be an even hundred, but I got stuck in the kitchen again. Even now, I'm being summoned back downstairs to get dinner on the table. I expect to add to it, but in the spirit of the project I wanted to get it up NOW. So how about you? Do you have a list?

In no particular order:

1. Clean out the clutter
2. Get new eyeglasses
3. Learn to speak Spanish
4. Get serious about writing
5. Learn tai chi
6. Organize and simplify my investments
7. Make a will
8. Buy a new camera
9. Start exercising
10. Read a book a week from the pile I already have
11. Comment more often on blogs I read
12. Decide what I want to be when I grow up, and
13. Get started on whatever that is ASAP
14. Redecorate the house
15. Reconnect with nature
16. Call and write family more often
17. Get a freaking lock for my office door
18. Try one new recipe every month
19. Learn to speak Italian
20. Take a real vacation to somewhere I actually want to go
21. Try something artistic that I've never done before
22. Resurrect my old pottery wheel and kiln
23. Decide whether to move to the country
24. Get a wardrobe
25. Learn to make paper
26. Study the physics of light and time
27. Learn herbal medicine
28. Grow herbal medicines
29. Plant a garden
30. Plant new oak trees
31. Learn to use the new camera
32. Learn Photoshop
33. Become proficient at Excel and Word
34. Make peace with my job or get a new one
35. Rent a kayak
36. If I decide I like it, buy the kayak
37. Get a Siamese fighting fish
38. Try geocaching
39. Sell something on eBay
40. Wear more jewelry
41. Collect more natural stone jewelry
42. Let go of something every day

For auld lang syne

Well, here it is. Another New Year's Eve. Another handful of living sand has sifted down through the hourglass, its motion ended, its promise spent. And what is there left to say about it that hasn't been said before, over and over, on every New Year's Eve?

It's a strange night, really. We draw an imaginary line in time itself, and we say to each other, This side is the past, the province of sweet memory and bitter regret. And this side is the shining future, where we can transform our lives, where anything is possible. In truth, we live all the moments of our lives on that razor-thin line between what has been and what could be.

It is so easy to lose sight of the present. Our active hours are spent planning, always planning; how will we live in retirement, what will I need from the grocery store tomorrow, what will I do with my life someday. Our quiet hours are spent dreaming up more things to plan about, or in mourning things that are no more. Somehow, we are never still. How different might life be, if that were possible?

I'm not much for resolutions anymore, but I think I will make just this one for 2008: Live now.

Here comes the sun

In case you missed it: The winter solstice happened yesterday, or the day before, depending on where you live. From this point forward, the darkness fails and light prevails. Every day gets a little longer than the one before. And about freakin' time, too.

A lot of the best stuff we associate with Christmas is, of course, usurped from older, solstice traditions -- candles and evergreens, birth and hope. There's a really nice site that explores the origins of the winter holidays, if you're curious. It's called Candlegrove. It's a fun place to poke around.

Earth to Santa

Here's something kinda cool. Over at the NASA site, you can send a Christmas greeting to the astronauts on the space station. Because, well, why not? Here's the link: NASA Postcards.

Oddly, I couldn't find a site that didn't look dodgy for sending email cards to our troops. Anybody know of one?

moar funny pictures

The Surgeon General, apparently with nothing really pressing to do last week, declared war on Santa Claus. He announced that it was critical for role models to present a good example, which Santa, it seems, does not. Because he is fat. Santa needs to slim down. Or else.

OK. First of all, if Santa Claus is a "role model," then so is the Easter Bunny. Therefore, the Easter Bunny should immediately stop wearing fur.

Santa is a "right jolly old elf" with "a round little belly" that "shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly." It's part of who he is. Santa is a symbol of taking joy in plenty and pleasure, and of selfless love for others. You could do a lot worse for a role model.

And I'll tell you what's critical for the welfare of today's kids: The children's health care plan Bush vetoed, that was critical. Keeping lead soaked toys out of their nurseries, that was critical. Paying parents a living wage so they can be home more with their kids, that was critical. Where was the Surgeon General on all that?

They say Santa has changed before, and should again. True, he has. He used to bring switches and coal to those who deserved it. I can think of at least one fellow who should get a sledfull of both.